Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
