she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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