My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
