He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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