I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
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im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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