I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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