I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
