i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
