I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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