Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
