it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
