i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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