but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
