If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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