Sry I called you an 8
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
