The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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