I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
