I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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