Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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