I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
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Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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