i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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