Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
