marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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