Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is it because I queefed?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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