I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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