as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
