I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
