I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
