I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
