Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
