So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
