I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
