dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
