He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
