Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
