dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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