sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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