I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
