You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
