but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
