I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
