Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I enjoy the company of your penis
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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