so let's talk penis.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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