So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i came on her dog
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
