Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
