would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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