So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
