omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
