Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
