booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
