WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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