Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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