Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
