I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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