A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
