dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I bet he comes in French.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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