Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
