You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
