Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
