Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
