A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
