while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
