I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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