i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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