every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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