what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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