dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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