I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
