If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
